Hanoi. Vietnam

The South East Asian gem hidden in a within a Tungsten North

Captains Log Day 4 – 18/03/17 8:26 am. Jetstar Flight BL791.

The residue of a four-day bender was stuck to the Captain like a well-crafted Gỏi cuốn (
Vietnamese rice paper roll). The hangover, thirty years in the making was dealt out as a result of a three-day long celebration, filled with love, friends, and a whole heap of decisions that the body was now regretting.
The early morning alarm buzzed, it was not required, the sandman had forgotten to visit or had gotten lost in the aftermath. The Captain softly tapped the Admiral on the shoulder, the three-day blur of celebrations was just about to get extended as the travelling duo were about to embark on another adventure to the unknown, this time it was the land of the Dragon and a visit to the Khmer empire.

Transport had arrived, however the Admiral had to make one quick stop to her place as she had overlooked to take a key piece of documentation, her passport. The journey had begun, as we took our first flight to KL, followed by a flight to Ho-Chi-Minh and lastly to reach our final destination, Hanoi. The travel time for the journey was, eighteen hours, with twelve hours of flight time and the remaining time spent in stopovers. The grand hangover and missing the sandman the previous few nights meant that, the twelve hours spent flying was consumed by a zombie like sleep. With delays and transit (and the hour-long taxi ride from the airport) the Captain was able to check into the residence at one in the morning. The residence for this leg, was a room that smelt so heavily of paint that both the Admiral and Captain were getting mild headaches from the scent, however with the fatigue, we continued our chroming and decided to adapt to the fumes. The exhaustion that came from the flights and stopovers (as well as the possible high from the fumes), there was not a chance that Admiral or the Captain was going to undertake any adventures for the night. The first night in Hanoi rather was spent establishing contact with Co-Captain and his first lieutenant who were also visiting the city.

Early morning once again the Captain’s eyes opened as the sun shone through the very freshly painted window, it was time to execute a plan of action for the day’s activities. he quickly contacted the co-captain and organised a meeting point. After some drama with an absent-minded (noob) tour organiser we had a private car to take us to the beautiful Ha Long bay for the day.

Reuniting with the first lieutenant and the co-captain at their hotel we all boarded a vessel and set forth to how long day. This is also the moment that we met our dizzy car driver. We still don’t know his name, although he started yelling when the Nguyen Song came on (must be his favorite). The remainder of the four-hour drive to Ha Long bay consisted of carpool karaoke between the co-captain and the driver of traditional Vietnamese songs, that were blaring over the car stereo throughout the journey – at this point it is important to note that the co-captain does NOT speak any Vietnamese. To add some further excitement to the journey some random points the dizzy driver grabbed the co-captain’s leg and squeezed it, once again there was no warning or precursor to this action. Later in the journey the co-captain got his revenge and also grabbed the driver’s leg without warning. The reason is still not known to any other passengers in the car. Another interesting moment was when the co-captain asked the driver to stop for a toilet break, since the dizzy driver did not understand English google translate was used, this resulted in shouting war between the co-captain and driver. We also did not stop for another twenty minutes. Once again reasons unknown to all in the car.
After many intimate moments between the dizzy driver and co-captain and stopping at a pearl factory, the party finally reached Ha Long Bay. Here we quickly were ushered onto a boat with another tour and fed some very extravagant (but bland) lunch on a private table, as the boat  went along island rocks. Meanwhile our Dizzy driver somehow made it to the top of the boat and the boat Captain had to stop and come over to ask him to get down. The party then spent the day cruising the bay, going on a bamboo boat and visiting some caves, we also had a tour guide commentary explaining how some of the rocks we passed looked like animals or objects. “look Scooby doo rock!”. We came to the realization that whoever named these rocks were on some serious amount of special Pho. Soon after exploring the caves it was time to bid the bay, g’day and return back to our dizzy driver.

The journey back was even more exciting and although our driver was not grabbing the co-captains leg he was busy piloting our ride through some local highway traffic. There were moments when we were a few centimeters off hitting someone, or going head on into a truck/bus. The music continued to blare and the Nguyen song, motivated Mr Dizzy like never before. Finally, we made it back to Hanoi City.
A quick freshen up and we regrouped at a very fancy, but delicious restaurant suggested by the co-captain – Madame Hien. Here the food was fantastic, until the raw chicken came to the table, the chicken was so raw that we could hear it cock-o-doodling. The Captain explained how it was raw, however the staff insisted that is medium and red, like the duck we had ordered. It was a struggle to explain why pink chicken = bad. It was fine in the end, they decided to replace it, new chicken…. Also pink. Game over, and although the rest of the courses and the cocktails were fantastic, it was time to say goodbye and hope that the next few hours alcohol consumption killed the salmonella that was breeding in our stomachs. We headed to another bar and sat and drank until the Admiral fell asleep on the table, an indication that it was time to go. We said our farewells, as we were greeted by a street rat, and walked back to our hotels.

The next morning, the slight hangover shone its ugly head, we quickly got ready and met up with the co-captain and first-lieutenant in search for shoes and a shirt for the wedding which was on later in the day. We visited a huge market, in search for the co-captain’s shoes, and as we approached every store the storekeepers looked at the co-captain, looked down at his feet and signaled us to move on, others shook their heads and said “Too BIIG, Too BIIG”, we later found out the largest sizes these shoes had was a size nine, far too small for the co-captain. The Captain was fortunate to find a shirt for the wedding without issue, however the search for the shoes continued, as the time was running out. after visiting a few malls, we were able to find an Aldo that stocked the right sizes. Rushing we headed back, got ready and made it just in time for the traditional ceremony of Ray and Linh. Surrounded by family the simple giving away of the daughter, was emotional and heartfelt. We made some new friends and coordinated some drinks before the reception was to begin. This is when things got a little too messy. Conversation, laughs got the better of us and three long island ice-teas at an English pub later, we were stumbling out and heading to our hotels to change for the wedding. The Captain took this opportunity to hydrate as much as possible in order to survive the night.
The reception was grand. It was like the Oscars, red carpet, crystal, spotlights even a catwalk was set up – the MC announced the wedding couple and then the onslaught of food started, course after course this was going to be a big feed. Trying his best not to slur and hoping all the water he had drank started taking an effect, the Captain nibbled on the food. This is when the Vodka glistened on the table as the waiter dropped off three bottles, and a heap of shot glasses. Using the Lazy Susan in a very efficient way, the Co-Captain loaded the shots for the table. This continued for the next few hours until 2 bottles were gone and so were half the people there. Realizing it was our cue to leave, we finished up, and made a plan to regroup again after we got changed and ready for a night out. Not long after the Captain heard the distress calls from the bathroom, as he felt the vibration in his pocket. It was the First Lieutenant, sending out a beacon that the Co-Captain was in trouble. The Captain rushed to the bathroom, and found one of the cubicles locked with a grunting bear like noise coming from inside. It was the Co-Captain. As the Captain tried to knock, there would be no response. At this point the Captain went to the cubicle next door, climbed the toilet seat, only to see vomit EVERYWHERE! The Co-Captain looked up and both burst out in a fit of laughter. The Co-Captain used the water hose to clean the regurgitated food and they both emerged from the toilet triumphant.
Following this debacle and with the wedding reception over, they all parted ways to go back to their abodes to change and then head out. We all made a pact to meet up again after we changed into civilian clothes. The Admiral and Captain went home, changed and then made a quick detour to 4ps Pizza for a snack – This place was amazing. Better pizza than most in Melbourne. Scoffing down our meals we met up with the crew later at a bar. At this point the Captain tried to reach out to the Co-Captain, but hope was lost. He was not in good shape.
The remaining troops were out in full force later joined by the bride and groom, the crew were drinking, smoking sheesha and having a big night, we bounced from one bar (Bar Prague) when it shut to Club Theater, for some dancing. As time went on some of the troops thinned out leaving a core group. This was only disbanded when the last remaining club switched on the lights. The Wedding day was over, and the Admiral and Captain headed back towards home, making a quick pit stop for some random street burritos and nachos.

Fighting to open his eyes, the Captain awoke to a warm room, meaning that it was afternoon time, his head was still pounding from the music from the night before. His aging body was not used to this. The Admiral and Captain moved at slug speed to get ready and head out of the hotel. The Co-Captain and First Lieutenant, had departed to Hong Kong, meaning that day would be dedicated to sight-seeing and exploration. Struggling out of bed first destination was Giang Café, the Captain and Admiral had been recommended to try the local famous egg coffee, and Giang was famous for being the best. Creeping down an ally way they found a hidden café, bustling with people- here they were able to try the egg coffee, it was like a condensed milk latte with an egg on top, although as a thought it was strange, the drink tasted awesome. Leaving on a caffeine high and able to process basic directions next was the lake of the returned sword. Here the Captain and Admiral crossed a river bridge and went to temple in which resided a giant turtle statue.  Starving from the adventure and the hangover kicking in the temple was followed by lunch at a Lotteria, a fast food chain initially recommended, which turned out to be terrible fried goop. Later as the Captain and Co-captain were walking they got grabbed by Major Matt and commander Jess, who joined them on the expedition for the day. First up for the awesome foursome was the Hoa la Jail – a restored prison that was a benchmark example of Vietnamese torture and pain – it was so bad that in irony the USA named it the Hanoi Hilton. It was a political prison where the prisoners were held, interrogated, tortured and killed, The Captain & Major marveled at the guillotine and the beheadings it had carried out as eerie music played. All this pain had our appetite restored and the squad headed to the French district for some pastries and cake. Just as the cake finished up the night market opened its doors – we walked the streets for kilometers, searching for bargains and getting hassled – the Major was able to pick up some Anime figures that he was looking for, the Admiral was in wonderland, hypnotized by bargains and the variety. The never-ending market continued on, however the squadron headed back, as it was time for the Water Puppet show. Hard to describe. Water puppet show is just that, a semi submerged theater of puppets, with music and a whole lot of “no idea what is going on” – highly recommended. The show ended up and the appetite was restored, we headed to the gourmet corner a restaurant recommended by a person at our hotel. Upon entering the place looked mega fancy, heading to the rooftop even more so. The food was nice, however when the Captain complained that the Coq au Vin had too much wine (lol), the staff rushed over to offer a discount. Service was impeccable. Finishing up Dinner we bid farewell to our friends and headed back for a few hours of shut eye till our flight down the delta to the South.