The beautiful, bewitching, Bintang, Bali Hai paradise

Captains Log Day 7 – 30/12/19 5:31 pm.

Garuda flight – GA0450
After a long day that involved being flashed by a racoon, going ‘Commando’ in a purification bath and getting lost in the rice fields, the trio marvelled at the hotel lobby of the Camakila Resort in Nusa Dua.
Nusa Dua is a resort area built in the 1970s in the southern part of Bali, Indonesia, . Known as an enclave of large five-star resorts, it covers 350 hectares of land and encloses more than 20 resorts.
One of these resorts was going to be the trios bunker for the next few days.
This place was massive – They stood admiring the scale awaiting for a bell boy to come and assist them with their luggage as they bid farewell to their driver. They took a quick selfie with him, exchanged details, added each-other on facebook, had a chat about family and life in Bali – still no bell boy.
It was rather getting embarrassing as even the driver was asking where the staff was, and after loitering near the lobby for 5 minutes, they decided that it was not going to happen and headed into the hotel carrying all their bags.
The receptionist at the hotel reception followed suit and reflected the lack of interest and service as demonstrated when entering. After a few glances the Captain was able to get the receptionist’s attention who in turn advised that there only was one king bed that was paid for, this infuriated the Captain who pulled out his prepared and printed booking documentation that highlighted that the room was for 3 people with one spare bed. The receptionist now defeated by the A4 pages presented to him, admitted defeat and advised that a new bed will be put into their room later in the evening. Thanking the man, they walked off realising they had no idea where to go, they went back to the receptionist who requested a bell boy (Finally) come over and help.
It was lucky that the bell by did come, as their room was located a good 6 minutes away from the lobby. It was a long walk through a maze, going past swimming pools, fountains, restaurants, ponds, gates, gardens, ballrooms until reaching their room. Instantly it was evident that the resort was MASSIVE.
Upon reaching their room, they instantly realised how hot it was, in fact if felt like there was no difference in the outside room temperature and inside of the room. Rushing as the time was ticking they switched the aircon to full and fled to explore. The General had chosen an Indian restaurant that was famous in the area – only issue was that it was a 37 minute walk from their location, with the closing time listed as only 1 hour from the current time.
They started walking and instantly realised the lack of hub & bub, unlike both Ubud and Kuta, a single strip of shops lined up the area, consisting of a mix of restaurants, resorts and mini marts. There was no one hassling them with chants of “Massage” or “Come look look”.
They walked along popping into mini marts to pick up ‘Large Bintangs’ chanting “BINTANGFORTHEBOYS” and walking down the street cheering locals. The Admiral sipped on her Smirnoff Ice as the boys got rowdy.
They stopped at every minimart on the way, getting more and more loose as time went on. Checking their clocks as time crept on, it started to drizzle, to escape the rain, they stopped at a restaurant. There was 5 minutes before the closing time of where they were headed. Rather than eating here the Captain Admiral and General made a call – CARRY ON and risk it.
Just as they stepped outside the Rain started to get super heavy. A torrential downpour as they RAN to the place where they had initially planned to eat, drunk, laughing, they stopped to put their phones and wallets away, as they already were wet. They continued on, getting drenched in the rain reaching the restaurant at 10:35 soaked. Hoping and praying the restaurant would accommodate them, the manager refused, explaining that the chefs had now gone home. After pleading and begging the owner to no resolve they decided to leave and once again embrace the rain outside.
Defeated they started walking back – stopping at the place that they had made a pitstop at earlier, they were advised that the chef also had just left and if they had come only 5 minutes earlier they would have been served. They also had been told that everything on the strip would now be shut.
Hating her luck the Admiral accepted the fate and they would get nothing for dinner. The boys however found the next minimart as the rain intensified.
Hopping from mini mart to mini mart transformed to hopping between restaurant to restaurant as they tried to find a place that would accommodate them. Several rejections later a final contender accepted them. The trio were super appreciative and very drunk, praising the staff and the restaurant as they enjoyed what they thought was the best meal ever.
Soaking, Stuffed and drunk they headed back, with the rain now only a drizzle as they stumbled back home.
They arrived back to the hotel, and had a brief rendezvous with some other hotel residents that were standing outside their rooms smoking, complaining about the heat and the aircon not cooling. Hoping this was not the case they rushed back to their room, only to find an oven like environment. Steaming like dumplings from the damp clothes and humidity, they called housekeeping hoping they would help. Synchronous to the phone call, General Nuj starts vomiting, the Bintangs working their magic, now all coming out in a flow similar to the flooding happening outside earlier.
With the room hot and steaming and the gurgling happening in the bathroom, a very drunk Captain did the only logical thing. Pass out. It was not till the General and Admiral were in bed that the captain got up and showered, changing out of his soaked clothes, then hitting the bed and going back to a drunk slumber. This is when they heard a loud knock on the front door, unable to move they sent the brave Admiral to open it. In came 2 men wheeling in a huge device. What looked like a filing cabinet on wheels was a portable air conditioner. The reinforcements had arrived. Unable to even keep his eyes open whilst the men were in the room, the Captain passed out.

The next day began with a hangover for all involved in the night priors ‘Drowning minimart crawl’, they had missed breakfast by a long shot and felt ill. Today was going to be the day in which they utilised the maximum force of resort life.
The day started off with them directly migrating from their beds to the resort swimming pool, where breakfast was an iced coffee sitting in the pool bar.
This activity was soon moved to the private beach pool of the resort and the iced coffee was replaced by coconuts and juices. the admiral lay in a hammock whilst the captain worked on his tan, occasionally jumping into the pool to wash off the sweat and the residual alcohol emanating from their pores. Ew.
Life was the best it has ever been, Beach Pool life objective achieved.
The General at this point had developed a rather painful heat-rash that was causing him discomfort, and was determined that this was a result from walking drenched in the rain in an extremely drunk state the night before. Not keen on exploring and opting to rest up, feeling the rash the General retreated to the room.
He had not to worry as the Medical assistance was on its way, the Admiral and Captain set off heading to the pharmacy to pick up medical supplies (rash cream) and deliver it for the General.
It was going to be a long mission as there was many resorts and pools along the way, scattered along the beach front resorts. It was a tough task, however they walked along the sun kissed beach, stealthily sneaking into the pools and having a swim at as many resorts along the way as they could without being caught. They survived at five dips in random pools undetected as they inched towards the pharmacy for the General’s life-saving meds. They reached mecca resort of Nusa Dua – The Conrad. The Conrad Hotel was the grandest of them all, it was beautiful, with manicured lawns, private beaches and a pool that ran throughout the resort
Unfortunately for them it was here that they finally got busted. the colour of their towels exposing them as non-residents of the hotel. Everything had been going well, they were filled with confidence as they strutted past security and placed their towels on the poolside bench and prepared to dive into the pool, when an attendant took a double take at their towels as they walked passed, instantly noticing they did not belong here. He asked them if they stayed there to which the Admiral responded “no, we are visiting a friend who does” Her eyeballs suspiciously darted from left to right. The attendant then advised them that they couldn’t use the pool for free, and if they wanted to use it, it would cost them AUD $30 per person. Grunting at his request in disgust, the Admiral and captain took their towels and left the resort, synchronously thinking ‘pshht they can keep their pool’.
They refocused and realised that they were out on mission to pick up medical supplies, not just to galavant and jump in random swimming pools. Finally reaching the pharmacy, they picked up supplies and started their commute back to deliver the precious cargo to the General.
A few cheeky pool stops along the way back to cool off and they were back swimming at the beach pool, passing on the goods to the General who retreated to recover.
Not wanting this life to end, they finally agreed that it was time to haul their tanned and prune like bodies to the shower and get ready for the night’s activities. A rather lethargic Captain had a shower and got dressed, the General was still in pain but mustered up the courage to walk to a Shisha place that the Admiral had discovered on the way.
After checking out the Novotel, forever searching for the pool, and the heat rash starting to play up again, the trio decided to take a taxi to the Shisha place. Making friends with the Taxi driver “Rony” and requesting him to pick us up to take us to the airport in the morning, they reached the Shisha place.
Here they ordered a Bintang bucket and a cocktail along with a Shisha to share. After a few sips it was evident to see that the Admiral was getting loose, the Shisha arrived and unlike their previous encounter, it was terrible, it tasted like charcoal. When they complained the explanation, they were given by the staff was that the flavour is proportioned and set by the management, unfortunately there was nothing they could do about it. Disappointed, they didn’t want to remain at the establishment, leaving a bad review on Google Maps, they left.
After failing the night before to make it on time, the trio attempted again to try have dinner at Queens Indian Restaurant.
This time they were fortunate enough to get seated (after a bit of a wait) and they were not disappointed, the food extremely tasty and rather authentic. they left with a full stomach and satisfied, returning to once again a hot and humid room, they called it a night. The General called reception to demand a second cooling device as he felt he was dying in the heat – but no other filing cabinets were wheeled in that night, and the trip eventually drifted off to sleep.
Waking up early and gathering all the clothes that were hanging across the room to dry, they packed their bags to depart to the airport. The captain looked at his phone to see that Rony had cancelled, using the excuse that his car had broken down. Not stressing too much they packed everything and requested a bell boy to come and take their bags, once again after a 15 minute wait with 3 more phone-calls, they called it quits and took their bags themselves, starting the long journey back to the hotel lobby. The service once again disappointing, they called a taxi and departed the resort life of Nusa Dua.