The Amazon Rainforest. Iquitos. Peru

The Captain and Admiral disembarked on to the Tarmac in the Peruvian city of Iquitos, a town surrounded by the Amazon Rainforest.
This part of the journey was going to prove as one of the most challenging. They had mentally and physically prepared as much as they could but nothing could prepare them for what they were about to experience. On the tarmac was an aircraft that resembled Pablo’s plane, this has no relevance to anything, however was very important to document.
The airport, which could be confused for a rather large bus stop, contained a conveyor belt and was manned by a human sized giant moth.

They lubricated themselves, this time not with alcohol, but with enough mossie repellent for them to lay on their bellies and slide into the Amazon.
Outside with a board with their names awaited the tour guide the MVP of this journey in all senses of the term. His name was Golbort, which they found out much later in the trip, and until then referred to him as Goldberg.
They jumped into a van with Goldberg and headed towards the dock where they would hop onto a boat and head into the Amazon rainforest.
On the bus Goldberg became much more chatty and told stories about the animals in the rainforest and the river. He explained about the dangers that exist in the Amazon River, and that these are not just limited to Piranhas and the 80 metre depth of the river, he explanted how there are fish like catfish that like the taste of blood and there have been stories of women menstruating and the fish deciding to swim upstream to the island of ovaries.

He told us of catfish that have spiked skins and anytime a person stepped on them they would get spiked and the wound would get infected. As well as the hectic stores of alligators, snakes and eels in the water. Basically, If you fall in, your chances of survival resemble the number of waterfront relaxation resorts in the region. They jumped off after a quick breakfast and coffee, then headed straight to the the dock which was also the fish market in town.
It was hot! about 35 degrees with over 80% humidity. Singapore started looking like child’s play. At the market they saw very interesting and intense things that locals would eat, they saw carcasses of catfish, alligator skulls, a half cut up fish that was still breathing, as well as something that made their stomachs churn and throats gag, Palm Tree Worms.

Even as the Captain writes these words, the memory is making him gag. Squirming Mr Goldberg held the worms offering the captain and admiral to sample the goods. However, as tempting as it was they politely refused.
Escaping the market along with the visuals and smells they jumped on a boat and set sail down the Amazon River.
The river was huge, at some points there was no land on the horizon, Goldberg explained that people believed it to be the longest river, longer than the Nile. It was also muddy, nothing could be seen underneath the surface, the colour resembling a nice caramelized top of a cream brullee, except instead of custardy goodness, under the surface lay a million ways to die. Soon there was no sign of civilisations. They made a pit stop about forty-five minutes into the journey at a small sanctuary in which they fed   Piranha, Alligators and Paiche – The paiche, known scientifically as Arapaima gigas, is the largest fish in the Peruvian Amazon, reaching lengths of approximately 3 meters and weighing up to 200 kilos.  It was one big scary Monster fish!

Another thirty minutes down the river and they were approaching the forest lodge that would be their home for the next few days. As they began to dock the rains started. The downpour was heavy. They got off the boat onto a muddy River bank and followed Goldberg into the forest and the rain pelted down. They tried to walk as fast as they could, however the mud and the rawness of the jungle made it hard to run. After ten minutes trekking through the jungle they got to the lodge. The lodge was a big shack with a high roof which was  made of leaves and the  walls made of wood. There was no electricity, however they were advised that the electricity would come on for two hours between 6pm and 8pm.

They were shown to their room which had 2 beds with mosquito nets and a toilet. They had access to the shower, however were advised that it was river water and not suitable to drink. Also that the water was not heated. This was going to get ghetto! Taking some time to reflect the Captain distinctly remembers the sounds of the forest and the smell. There is nothing to compare this to, it was something that needs to be experienced to comprehend.

Since there was another few hours before lunch they had some time, in which they decided to have a quick snooze. It was a very sticky nap, also it was not long after that the captain realised that his bed was getting wet, the window was right next to it and the resin was drizzling in, he migrated to the Admirals bed. They lay sweating profusely and then got up and reapplied another layer of sunscreen followed by mosquito repellent. The rain had stopped although you could hear the pitter patter of droplets on the trees as they made their way to the common area for Lunch. Catfish, rice and tomatoes was on the menu. The catfish had a very earthy and river like taste with a slight degree of fisheyness.  Over lunch we were introduced to Paco the Macaw and Jane the cat that were the lodge’s pets.

Paco was a very loud bird, Goldberg advised us that he makes these noises in excitement when he sensed that the rain is coming. According to our flamboyant and colourful weatherman, the forecast was heavy rain. Given some free time before the jungle walk to a local village they made their way back to their rooms. Along the way meeting monkeys that hung around the lodge, feeding them some bananas. After another sticky rest they gathered in the common area at around 3pm, here Goldberg introduced them to another Cadet that would be joining the adventure, Ground Cadet Alex who hailed from China but lived in Canada. Exchanging dignitaries, they were asked to put on some gumboots. The rain had created a land of mud and mush.

Geared up and ready to go they headed into the open forest, sometimes following a trail and others just venturing straight into the wilderness. They crossed a small stream on a make shift bridge and came to big open plain. Goldberg then whistled and yelled out something in a foreign language. He then turned around and told them that they were entering a local village. At the village the elders came out and greeted them, this included a Shaman or Witchdoctor of the village, it was a fascinating experience. Soon after the elders the ladies came out, sleepy (as if they just woke up) and uninterested, they then performed a happy dance that has the Admiral and Captain confused.

They explained about an alcoholic beverage in the village and for once the captain refused. It was made by chewing leaves and fruits, and then spitting them into a bowl where it was mushed and left to ferment. Once it fermented, cheers lads. They brought some souvenirs from the village people including roots from the ayahuasca vine, which was great for happiness and well being. After this experience, Goldberg and company started to walk back. The torrential rain they witnessed earlier had left everything muddy and wet, while the sun now shone, meaning the heat and humidity was leaving the crew dripping with sweat. Once back at the lodge they were again given free time. This time rather than retreating to the room the captain and admiral decided to stay awake in the lounge area as the electricity was on so they could charge their phones as well as chat to Goldberg.

Goldberg told stories. Stories that terrified them. Stories of snakes and the jungle goblins. The first story was about how his own grandfather had died of a viper bite to the face in the jungle, and could not have been avoided as the viper just hung from a tree unseen and bit him. They tried local medicine but he did died within a week.

Another story was from many years ago, when he was out in the jungle to do some logging with a few others. At night fall the leader of the group advised everyone  to sleep above ground in hammocks, which all the men did.  However the leader had brought his girlfriend there and had a tent so decided to sleep in the tent. At night they heard one loud screem so they rushed to see what had happened. what they saw was horror.  A ‘Bushmaster’ snake had pulled her out of her sleeping bag and was continuously biting her on the leg. They quickly got a gun and shot the snake, however it was too late, the girl’s body had gone black in colour. All the men packed up and left the day after, leaving months of supplies and all in the jungle. He also explained about the spirits that live in the jungle, referring to them as goblins. He said that when Shaman do rituals they often call these spirits to aid them. Sometimes they do not leave. He explained how they play tricks on people. Trekking stories about how they materialise themselves as known people and lead guests into the forests at night. He also said that they hide in shadows when it rains, so not to look into the rain. Thankfully at that point, others including cadet Alex came into the lodge. It was dinner time.

Dinner was soy chicken and vegetables accompanied by papaya and plantains. They gave the Captain some spicy chillies on request, that made this the best meal in the jungle. The fun was not over, just as they grabbed the papayas for dessert the rain started. Mr Paco was right. This was not like any other rain they had witnessed before. It was heavy, strong and followed by thunder and lightning. They said goodnight and headed to the room before the lights went out. The thunder felt close and was continuous for hours. The banging of thunder and lightning had the captain petrified. Words can not describe how scared he was.

The thunder continued and they sat darkness, the captain often letting out a scream. The stories of forest goblins making him shake.

This was the most scared the captain has ever felt, shaking and squeezing the admiral everytime the lightning went off. He finally hid underneath the doona and prayed, as he slowly fell asleep. The next morning they awoke to birds chirping and the drum playing, which indicated breakfast was ready. The sun was shining as they walked into the common area where cadet Alex was already waiting. Breakfast was rice omelette, bread and fresh pineapple juice.

They spoke to cadet asked about the night before and she confirmed hearing loads of hysterical screaming from the room. It kept her up for a while. A very embarrassed Captain admitted it was him and he explained how close he was to soiling the bed. After breakfast they  put on their gumboots and jumped on a boat and headed deep into the jungle. Sailing for over an hour they reached a secluded spot and Goldberg steered the boat to the river bed.

Off they went deep into the forest, Mr Goldberg armed with a machete slicing through the flora as they walked. Straight away the Captain had gone into fight or flight mode, the adrenaline pumping, he just could not get over the sounds of the forest. Secondly he noticed the smell, next time you buy a forest fresh air freshener know that it smells nothing like the forest. Lastly the visuals. You become green blind in the forest. Everything blends into one, depth perception is affected and your ability to distinguish objects from one another weakens. Lastly the heat, the only thing you could possibly compare it to would be a steam room. Imagine walking in a steam room fully dressed in full sleeve clothing to avoid mosquito bites. Our skins were like open taps.

They walked into the jungle spotting spiders, ‘chicken birds’ and even the ayahuasca vine. The constant fear of all the things they were not spotting was on the Captain’s mind. Luckily a wild doggo joined us on our quest and followed us around the forest, as if sent to protect us. The two hour trek was gruelling, not only due to the heat and mosquitos, but also the lake like puddles we needed to wade across. Not knowing if they had snakes or eels swimming in them. After what seemed like a mission through the forest, the trek came to an end at an animal conservation centre. In the conversation centre straight away the Captain and Admiral were intrigued. They saw a giant tortoise, followed by a prehistoric tortoise. The prehistoric tortoise was something out of a sci fi movie or something Ash would catch in a Pokeball. It was super weird.

They then saw an 8 metre long Anaconda, which in the past had attacked the zoo keeper when he was cleaning his enclosure. It had not been fed. After providing this information, Goldberg insisted everyone should pose with it for good luck. They politely declined. Then the moment came that the Captain had been waiting for since the start of this trip. It could also be the sole reason he wanted to go to the rainforest. A moment that would define him, give him purpose. It was time to meet his spirit animal. The Sloth. The time has come and boy it was worth every second. He was amazing. What a guy. Such grace, such beauty, such cuteness such wisdom. All the sloth wanted was a hug, they held him like a baby and he cuddled back.  He was just adorable. Life achievement unlocked.

With great difficulty Mr Goldberg convinced them it was time to move on. Saying goodbye was hard. They bid farewell after they fed Mr Sloth some leaves. It was time to go. Mr Sloth also needed to sleep. Tears were shed. Before they left they saw some monkeys, that tried to steal stuff from the admiral’s bag but their plans were foiled in the last second by Mr Goldberg.

For lunch the trio unfortunately minus Mr Sloth headed to a floating restaurant. The lunch today was… Paiche – the giant Amazonian fish they had seen the day before. The consistency resembled more chicken than fish, although that distinct muddy freshwater taste came through. Just as they were leaving the floating restaurant the rain started once again. On the boat they huddled together for warmth and to remain dry.

When disembarking the muddy shores took the Captain, he started to sink in the mud and reached almost hip deep until a frantically grabbed the Admiral for support. Fortunately the Admiral was also bogged and therefore stable. Goldberg pulled them out, very scary and interesting moment. As they continued they encountered a river which they needed to cross. The bridge  (a bunch of sticks tried together with rope) had been swept away from the previous night’s storm.

They walked upstream and found a fallen tree and used this to cross over to the other side. After an eventful and super stressful few hours, they made it back, drenched and exhausted to the lodge. The Captain and Admiral decided once again not to retreat and met some new friends, this included Commander Raul and his partner, who were from Lima Peru and were running an awesome vegetarian food business as well as David and Andrea from Switzerland.

They chilled and chatted about experiences, travels, life abroad and at home. They also thought that the Captain looked like Ted from “How I Met Your Mother” which had the Captain chuffed . They broke bread together which involved chicken and vegetables and drank till it was lights out. At this point the Captain Called it a night, he retreated to the dark room. Had a cold shower. Covered himself with mosquito repellant and slept. This night was a lot less eventful (and less terrifying) the the night before.

The last day in the rainforest began with breakfast, which was eggs, plantain bread. Their friends from the night before joined in a last supper and exchanged stories and details. They left the lodge with gumboots and boarded a boat to sail down the Amazon River again, this time as they sailed along they saw the famed Amazon pink dolphins. Forest legend holds that the dolphins are evil and killing them would bring a life of bad luck. The locals also believe that dolphins come to villages by shapeshifting and seduce bathing girls to follow them into an underwater Atlantis, they do and they drown.

After saying a final goodbye to our friends after the boat dropped them off for a jungle walk, they crossed back to a floating platform. On the floating platform the Captain and Admiral were handed sticks with a string and hook attached. They then walked over to Goldberg who gave them some chicken skin to put on the hook.  He then taught them how to fish for Piranha and let them go.

They fished for over an hour with the Admiral showcasing her bloodline fishing skills and catching the most fish (eight) whilst the Captain caught three. Fishing was pretty terrifying, as when the  piranha come out of the water they come out snapping. You need to keep them safely away from your body or else they will bite you. There was a horrific moment when Goldberg tried to feed one piranha to another. Pretty Savage.

With our spoils we went to one more conservation centre where they unlocked another life goal which was to meet a Toucan! Mr Toucan was super friendly and happily posed for a selfie with the Captain and Admiral. They said goodbye to Mr Toucan and jumped back on the boat to the lodge where they had another catfish lunch (this time cooked in Banana leaf). They then packed their bags and proceeded to undertake a sad check out ceremony. Once again and for the final time they crossed the muddy and mulchy path, this time with attendants carrying their bags. They boarded the boat and said goodbye to this enchanting magical and terrifying place.

Arriving back in the town of Iquitos they checked in. Never in the Captain’s life had a shower been more appealing. The past three days they had layered on sunscreen, mosquito repellant and sweat one after another like home made puff pastry. They showered like they have never washed themselves before, scrubbing off the dirt and cocktail of substances on their skins.  The presence of warm water is something we all take for granted far too often. Much like their bodies, their clothes were like steaming garbage, they were surprised that flies had not surrounded them. Feeling much more fresh they found a laundry closeby and took the streaming pile of sweat and fabric to someone who would wash them.

While the laundry was being done the Captain and Admiral explored the city. Iquitos was a port city famous for the rubber trees. Goodyear came here and established a rubber industry from the rubber trees of the forest. The majority of the city is very Colonial and based around the ports. To celebrate surviving, they ate crepes and watched the sunset over the Amazon River, before collecting their clean clothes and went back to the hotel.

Later for dinner they explored the city more and much to the Admiral’s hesitation chose a grill to have dinner. The absence of refrigeration was evident as they had to choose their kababs by pointing to them in a cabinet. The Captain saw a few bugs in the cabinet but did not tell the Admiral about them. The food was super yummy, but somehow their tummies did feel strange as they left. The next day they bid farewell to Iquitos and headed to the airport.

After three tough and gruelling days, the jungle experience was over. Although the Captain feared for his life at every corner and that it was the hardest thing the Captain he has ever done, it was the most amazing. Words can not describe the feelings, sounds and smells that are experienced there. It should always be respected and feared. With that they said farewell to the lungs of the earth and headed off to Cusco, the ancient city and capital of the inca empire. Home to one of the seven wonders of the world. Macchu Picchu